"I need you to need me"

As per my title, from this popular 70's Cheap Trick song, I have discovered something about myself.

I need poeple to need me.

I have this amazing friend who has called on my several time in the past year to help her with a reoccurring problem. But as of yet, it has begun to resolve and she is doing wonderfully.

But part of me is sad. While she is doing fantastic, this also means she doesn't need to call me late at night anymore. Is it bad for me to be sad about this?

I am the oldest of three. And my siblings are now becoming adults or teenagers, and it seems I am not the same person to them anymore.

Is this urge to define myself and my usefulness by how others call on me a bad thing? Or just a reflection of my innate motherly role.

who knows.

I realized this the other day. It seems to be a big part of me. Hopefully I can make sure its not a negative part of me. I need to realize that people can come to me for help, but that shouldnt be the defining part of our relationship.


ah. life.
while this part of me sees that I need to change the way I see some relationships, at least I am able to realize something new about myself. It seems that what life really is. Figuring out others, and in turn yourself. And from there making yourself better, for yourself, your loved ones, and our maker.

Summer Nights!

So its finally actually Summer here in Provo.

It snowed last month. So at this point its up in the air. But for now, I think its safe to say the summery goodness is here.

My hubby is at military training for the next two weeks, so I get a little me time. It's nice to have some every now and then.

I went to my in-laws for dinner tonight. Had a wonderful time, just chatting over chicken and dumplings and enjoying each others company while playing Skip-Bo. But of course Grandma, the Skip-Bo Queen won. Big Surprise... but it was still great fun.

After the night wound down, I walked Grandma out to my car to walk her home, and the Summer rain, wind, and thunder start growling. It felt spectacular. It was warm out, but still feisty :)

I drove home slowly enjoying the magic and wonderful feeling of nature all around. Something about the first Summer Thunderstorm just makes you want to just spend all day outside and sleep under the stars in the cool grass.

Yay for Summer! Hope its all this wonderful!

Growing Up

My sister and I were really close growing up. We talked about everything, we did everything together, and always knew what was going on with each other.

As I came down to BYU, I was determined that we would stay close and still have that bond despite the distance.

After a few months and not as many phone calls as I had hoped, Nicole and I began to not be so close. I felt so bad. I was letting her down. We had always been close, and I didnt want to mess it up by going away to college.

Over time we have stayed close, but still not as it was when we shared a room.

These past few weeks, I have been thinking about life and growing up and finding yourself. (As I have dont alot of that while John has been away)

And it just kind of hit me. As we grow older, we find other people and other things that give us strength, and in different ways than when we grew up. Nicole had me read over her college admission essays and one of them talked about her finding a friend in Jesus Christ.

As I pondered the experience she had, I realized, that even though her and I grew apart as we moved on to bigger and better things, that we are given an opportunity to grow closer to Christ. And to learn more about ourselves, and our true nature, as human beings, as children of God, and as the person that we could become.

It was hard for Nicole and I as we adjusted to me being away at college and her being at home (among other things) but because of it, we both gained a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ our Savior.